Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
