well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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