A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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