I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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