I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i think my cat just said my name.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
