I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Never joke about your clitoris.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
