Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The power of my boobs compel you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
