Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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