I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
