What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
