He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
