420 ftw
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
