Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
