im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
