I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
