the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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