): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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