I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
