I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
