She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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