If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
