if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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