OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
