Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
