I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
