ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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