just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Less talking, more tequila
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
