a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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