i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
