Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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