you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
