He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
