wake up i wanna do it froggy style
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
