I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
