new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
