i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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