I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
