I got chris browned last night
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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