We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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