I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
