I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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