you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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