Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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