we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
