i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
