Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My pussy is not your playground.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
