in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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