He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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