I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
