Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
