wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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