I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
