Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
