take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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