I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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