hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
