I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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