she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
false alarm. still invincible.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
