i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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