If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
