I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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