I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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