4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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