just come out here and I will go home with you...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
