i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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