he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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