Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
