Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
