Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
