You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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