Sacagawea was the original milf.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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