I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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