i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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