i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
