I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This baby is an asshole
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
