do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
