I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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