Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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