Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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