Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
