at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
